First anniversary since the affair

Four years ago on October first my husband and I were married. I thought it was true love and meant to be. I didn’t know what a rough road was ahead of us.
We have been together for 9 years total. We dated for years before we got married and I really thought we knew each other and had a great relationship.

When I first found out about his affair I wished I had never met him, but I didn’t mean it. I know that without our past I would not have my beautiful baby boy. He is my everything.

I hate the choices that my husband made and I do not accept excuses for his shitty decisions, but I do understand some of the driving factors that lead him down the path to infidelity.

I know his past and I know what his childhood was like. I know his father was a serial cheater and that  every marriage in his family fell apart when kids came along. I know this. But I’m still not sure of forgiveness, I’m still too hurt for that.

We are working on keeping our marriage together. We don’t hate each other, neither one of us is abusive, we are friends, and sex is great. Somewhere along the way things got off the tracks. I’m just not sure where.

So, I asked my husband to marry me on our fourth anniversary. I asked him to marry me for real this time. This time let’s learn from our mistakes and truly commit to one another and our family. He said yes. He said he was so sorry for his had choices and that he was committed to both me and Alexander. We are going to get new wedding rings and go back to the country preacher that married us the first time.

At the same time I am no fool. No matter how much he wished I was when he was trying to cover his ass. I know we have a lot of work to do, and most of it falls on him. I know that I may not fully trust him for years to come. I’m a bitch like that. With most people if you betray me or piss me off I will burn the bridge between us to the ground and walk away. I do not trust easily and I don’t give second chances.

At least I didn’t before my son was born. He deserves to grow up with his mother and father. He deserves all the love and attention we can both give him. So for him I’m going to try to work with my husband to save our marriage.

If he fucks this chance up it is over and I think he fully understand that now.

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