Two things…just two.

During the past months, since I found out about his affair, I have been consistently asking my husband for two things.

1) He read a book and we discuss it.
2) That he write me a letter explaining how the affair made him feel about himself, how it made him feel about me, and how it made him feel about our relationship. I also wanted him to tell me the story of the affair from my point of view, basically an exercise in empathy. So I know he truly gets what his choices did to me and our family.

Yeah I know it sounds like a lot, but really it is only two things.

He still hasn’t read the book, even though I purchased it for him in March. He has however set a deadline to write the letter and give it to me. His deadline is tomorrow. Today he said “I will have it tomorrow or Sunday by the latest.” I had to tell him no. He was the one to set the deadline and he was going to have to stick to it.
He set the deadline over a month ago and I have been asking for the letter since February. He has had plenty of time to do it.

At one point in all the fall out from the affair I told him I had three deal breakers.
1) If he cheats again it is over.
2) If he lies to me again it is over.
3) If he talks shit about me again it is over.

I’m thinking I might have to add a forth. I’m just afraid he isn’t going to follow through.

Sometimes I think we can make it and sometimes I think I should have kicked him out on his ass when I found out.

I’m not sure what I will do if he doesn’t have that letter tomorrow, but I’m afraid it won’t be good. After all the hurt and betrayal I don’t think I can handle the disappointment.


2 thoughts on “Two things…just two.

  1. HUGS. I’m right there with you. I have asked my husband for only little things but he has yet to do so. He is supposed to be getting two books out at the library that he visits every other week – He keeps forgetting, probably wanting me to get the books for him. He telling me he is too busy. He is always finding excuses for why he can’t or won’t do something regarding repairing our marriage/relationship. Yet, he has time to write for himself. I am thinking he thinks our marriage being messed up is my fault as that is the impression I am still getting from him.

    “Sometimes I think we can make it and sometimes I think I should have kicked him out on his ass when I found out.” – This is so me too!

    I really like your idea of him telling me about his affair from your point of view. I would love to ask my husband to do that but I bet he will balk. Wish I had thought or known of it 8 months ago…..

    I am hoping your husband has the letter you requested.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. I tried to make it as easy as possible for H to read the book I’d chosen, so I bought the audio version and burned a CD of it to listen in his car. It’s a 90 page book, so the audiobook is only 2 hours long. That’s four days worth of 15 minutes to work, fifteen minutes back home. Easy peasy. Still, he dragged his heels. I finally had a meltdown on Sunday and he strapped on his headphones and listened to the whole thing. His takeaway was that he was already doing many of the suggestions, and I agreed. There are just a few things that need more improvement.

    I think for him, he’s been so beaten up over the last two months – by me, by the therapist, by me again – that he was trying to avoid the author of this book beating him up some more. I think he was encouraged to find out he’s already doing something right for a change.
    I like your idea of the letter, however realistically I doubt I’d ever get something in writing from him like that. I hope yours comes through for you.

    Liked by 2 people

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