Sometimes not being OK is actually OK.
I have spent much of my life answering the question of “How are you?” with “OK” even when I’m not. I guess my reasoning for that comes from two places.
1) As long as I say I’m OK, then I’m OK no matter what is going on in my life.
2) Saying OK is easier than facing the fact that I might not really be.
I now know that sometimes it is OK to not be OK. Right now there is so much going on in my life I think the only thing keeping me going is my son. Some days I’m so overwhelmed that I just want to cry. I think I’m going to start giving myself permission to breakdown, just for a little bit, and then move on and be stronger.
I still have some bigger battles to face.
The fall out of my husbands affair and my decision to stay. Though I must admit forgiveness is not constant yet.
The nodule in my lung. We have six months to wait to see if it grows and if it is cancer.
What decisions are best for baby boy…what is best for me.
Who knows? I do know I’m not OK and for right now in this moment that is OK.